Nataly Again

Journal Entry 26


-I am in my own little world. But that’s okay. They know me there.

The grandmother stayed over again last night. She was out watching soccer on the tv when I left for school this morning.

This morning also started with no water other than the two inches of dark brown stuff in the bottom of the bucket. I spent five minutes trying to get the stupid thing to work, and eventually had to get Nataly, who fussed with it for a while as well. The water finally decided to reappear, but by then, Nataly informed me that she and Elizabeth were going to school. So I ended up getting dressed in privacy for once, and got to walk to school alone again. Which was really nice. Read the rest of this entry »

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Journal Entry 25


-I’m an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight!

Today came with a pleasant surprise. We were allowed to wear jeans and other shoes to school. I don’t exactly know why, but I was pretty glad. I chose to wear my (Maddy’s) boots, which I oh so dearly love, and with no amount of sarcasm. Don’t worry Maddy, I love you more! We had to wear the same white blouse thing as normal, but mine are all ridiculously big. So I borrowed one of Nataly’s. My skirts are also way way to big, even though they almost fit me when I first got them. I have to wear my belt with both of my shorts, and my clingy shirts aren’t so clingy anymore. It’s kinda nice. I actually fit into my clothes now. I also managed to sleep last night. Which was absolutely lovely. Not that it did much for my sanity… Read the rest of this entry »

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Playing dominoes

Journal Entry 24


-A ghost could be humping you right now, and you’d never know.

I did not sleep. Ok, I went to bed at ten, got to sleep around twelve (I blame the “bed” being in quotations), woke up at two, went back to sleep, woke up again at three to hear little scuttering and clicking noises which I had no interest in investigating, then woke up again at 4:47, and decided, fuck this, I’m gonna be woken up in thirteen minutes to get ready for school anyways, which doesn’t even start till 7. Also, loud bass is not conducive to an easy, or even possible, sleep. Someone in the nearby vicinity (oh wait, that included the entire fucking town!) likes to play their “music” between twelve pm and three am. The only time it stops is during a fucking power outage, which luckily happens quite frequently. Read the rest of this entry »

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Lils prancing

Journal Entry 23


-Alfie, why is there a sinister beeping coming from behind me?

Ok, time to stop trying to sleep and do something productive! * brushes hair for about two minutes * Well, in my defense, I really need sleep to deal with today’s shit. Nataly’s cousin wandered in when they did, last night, at eleven pm. So glad I did not go with them. There would have been Hell then, instead of just last night and this morning. Well, about eleven, they come into the room, where I am pretending to sleep, not wanting to talk. I notice a second person, and because Elizabeth isn’t supposed to show up until today, I played the peeking game for a while. It was Nataly’s cousin, whose mom I wrote about a while back, the one who was making recycled flower pots and stuff. They turned on the light, and of course, I get an itch from one of the bug bites on my shin. But I really don’t want them to know that I am awake. They get ready for bed, turn off the light, rustle around looking for something, turn the light back on, find it, and turn off the light, sharing Nataly’s bottom bunk. Okay, I’ll finally get some sleep. Read the rest of this entry »

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Nasty drain

Journal Entry 22


-I’m not antisocial. I’m creative, and I don’t like you.

Okay, home alone. Time to party! Or take a shower. Actually, party first, get really high, and then the shower might be somewhat bearable! Fuck, never mind, it doesn’t matter how many happy pills I take, the water is still going to be brown. And coming from a bucket. And rainbowy from the oils on top. And guess what! When I dumped the water that was occupying thee bucket down the drain, I found four spider carcasses and several other smaller bugs. Good thing I was alone, ’cause the noise I made was quite pathetic. So everyone can share in my pain, I included photos of parts of the bathroom for everyone to enjoy! Read the rest of this entry »

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Elizabeth and Nataly

Journal Entry 21


-Life, it’s like God’s way of kicking your sorry ass out of heaven and yelling “And don’t come back!”. Death, it’s like God’s way of dragging you back up to heaven by your collar, mumbling “Okay, I think you’ve done enough damage…”

I have no clue what’s going on. Yesterday was a no school day. And I thought it was Friday. So imagine my surprise when I was awoken at five o’clock to get ready for school. On the plus side, I finally got a shower. On the downside, it was still out of a bucket. With cold water. And my stomach still hurts. Read the rest of this entry »

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Night in Panama

Journal Entry 20


-Last night I lay in bed and looked up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

Today has been another bad day. My stomach has been killing me all day, and we are experiencing another power outage. On the plus side, it’s raining. On one part of the downside, they still won’t let me play in the rain, because they are afraid that I will get sick. I am a Humboldt girl. All of my classmates will remember about how all of the school that was able to get out of class, or had no class, would go stand outside in the rain. Stand, look up at the sky like chickens, play in the puddles, laugh. Here, no one laughs, they just huddle beneath structures and hide. I cannot live like this. Read the rest of this entry »

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Touch me and die

Journal Entry 19


-I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe that I am winning.

Today was another abnormal school day. All we’ve done is do a skit, and now we seem to be playing dress-up. Or maybe it’s Have Lillie Strip In The Classroom And Put On A God-Awful Dress Thing. Which is way too tight in the shoulders. You know, either one works. And, sorry, but boys, hands off my fucking buttons. Unless we have been dating for quite a while, you will not take off my shirt for me. And definitely not at school. I do not need boys to help me change my clothes. Fuck, I don’t need anyone. I’m a big girl now, and I’ve figured out that 98% of the time, the left shoe does in fact go on the left foot. That extra 2% is usually for fun. Or just to fuck with someone.

My hair is all gross and stringy, and it smells really bad. Who am I kidding, I smell bad. My hands get all oily just brushing against my hair, and it looks all wet and shiny in the mirror, which I have taken to avoiding. I need a fucking shower with real water. And I need a flushing toilet. My plan before I left the States was to stick it out for three months. It seemed reasonable. Read the rest of this entry »

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Nataly's Teddy Bear

Journal Entry 17


-Some people ask me why I love to read. Usually, I shrug and tell them I just do. But inside, I’m grinning. Everyone knows that books have the most evil ways to kill someone.

Last night involved a total freakout. The tarantula thing that was on my bed two days ago or so was in the shower. I went to use the faucet to wash my hands and it was right there, the same size as my fist, a grayish brown color, and all hairy. I hightailed it out of there, made a flying leap from the doorway of the bedroom to the bed, and broke down crying. I ended up rocking back and forth, biting my hand, for about an hour. Sleep was not easy.

I also decided not to brush my teeth last night. It could have had something to do with the rustling up in the corner of the ceiling, or the skittering on the floor. The lack of light also played a part. Either way, I made it three steps in, and took one step out. Considering that my mouth tastes like blood and the decomposing body the blood came from whenever I brush my teeth with this water here, I might just forgo brushing for the rest of the year. It hasn’t helped much. Read the rest of this entry »

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