Journal Entry 29
-Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
The mom started going through my suitcase again. I kept hoping that she’d find my tampons, and then do something that would get me out of here today. The shower isn’t clogged anymore, but it’s still disgusting, and the water is still nasty. If I could get out of here fast, maybe I could focus on doing something other than bitching and moaning. And now the music is back. I can feel it, and hear it, and even Metallica can’t drown it out. There doesn’t seem to be much left for me to do. All of the clothes from the laundry basket are spread across the floor again. At least I finally have new sheets on my bed, and a new “blanket” which is just a second sheet again.
The mom just told me I shouldn’t spend so much time on my computer. What am I supposed to do then? Play loud music like Nataly? Play with Juan Diego’s lighter that he shoved in my face? Bang my head against another chair? I told her that I was writing my diary because I only had three pages left in my actual notebook one. A slight lie. I still have seven pages. And I was rewatching Eureka at the time. Thank god for touch screens. Allowing me to minimize a window while gesturing is handy to be sure.
So today seems to be one of the cousin’s birthdays, so I went to Changuinola. The neighbors, the mom and carol, came with us., and I sat in the back seat where there seems to be no buckle. Along the way, Carol fell victim to the time old ‘you should have gone before we left!’. Unfortunately, she kept quiet about it, so it took until the smell reached us and we noticed her tears of shame before we realized what happened. I was just glad no one got mad at her. They also didn’t mock her, which was good. We just bought some diaper wipes and new clothes for her. We probably should have bought her a new shirt too… While we were stopped for that, the mom got me a really tasty dessert. It seemed to be a mix of cardamon, nutmeg, shredded coconut, and milk, poured into a cup and then frozen.
I think I broke the car window. I was rolling it down like I was told to, then something inside went ‘snap!’ and the whole window just disappeared into the car door. I almost felt guilty. For about a minute. And then they all started touching me again. I do not like to be touched! No tocar me!
Great. Now even the mom is trying to read this. I have no wish to repeat my rant about not wanting people to read this due to the privacy thing, so instead I’m just going to write ‘Private, stay the fuck out!’ and ‘Don’t fucking read my stuff!’ on the top of each page. Like that’s going to help.
Well, I was encouraged to leave the corner of the couch where I was camped out and go sit with the adults outside. The theme for the party seems to be Toy Story 3, and everyone is wearing pjs except for Nataly, me, and a few adults. The cousin, Caeser Jesus, looks absolutely adorable in his Buzz pjs. Hmmm, the girl sitting next to me speaks a little English. Her mom wanted her to show off what she could do, but she acted all shy until they stopped pushing her. Then she started asking me the simple stuff. I answered in a mixture of English and Spanish, where I could. She was one of five or so kids wearing crocs and Hello Kitty pajamas.
Yay. I have finally had some of that ice cream that never melts, just changes temperature. And let me just say, that’s not right. Not right at all. Ice cream should melt. I don’t like this. It also tastes bad, so I’m not actually being discriminatory.
The kids played ‘pin the tail on the donkey’ and ring toss. Carol didn’t want to join in, so instead we stole the ring toss set thing once they were done with it and I challenged her to a few games. She got pretty good pretty fast. I just imagined it was the ring toss at Prairie View, with soda bottles, and did alright.
I found out that one of the people at the party teaches at the same school Grit goes to. At least I know he’s still alive. My head hurts. Maybe slamming it into a chair wasn’t so smart. Have to keep that in mind for next time.
One of the uncles started setting off little flare fireworks. They were pretty, but for some reason he hasn’t lit the last two. Maybe later? Nope! What brilliance! They are going to put them on the cake and light them! Oh I am surrounded by idiots. Hear me, Maddy? I am surrounded by idiots. Tyki voice and all. Imagine that. And then imagine some ten or twelve five and six year olds staring at me and laughing at my random English.
Cake here sucks. Not surprising, considering that it costs thirteen dollars in the store, no matter what size it is. But this cake tastes like a cardboard kitten ate a cardboard rat, digested it for a bit, then threw up on some icing, and added more icing to cover it up. Oh, and the icing was something it crapped into a tube. Sound tasty? You have some issues… But seriously, this is effing nasty. I fed my piece to Carol, and felt kinda guilty. However, the fireworks were kinda cool. They luckily didn’t light anything on fire, but they did slightly terrify the birthday boy. Then again, I’d be kinda terrified if I was being held by my dad, who was lighting matches right next to my stomach, then leaning me forward as he lit the fireworks, which went off almost in my face, flaring up and spitting sparks at me. There were also normal candles. And it seems that the birthday boy doesn’t like the birthday song. He blew out his candles as soon as his dad moved the match away, and then smirked. The dad just relit them and then had one of the others sheild the candles till we were done singing. And surprisingly, if I have enough people around me, I know how to sing happy birthday, and I even know a few different versions of it, in Spanish. I rather surprised the mom and Nataly, not to mention myself. I totally forgot that I knew it in Spanish. Latin, that I remember.
Haha! I have another minion! She’s eleven, and one of the cousins. She followed along with how I was bothering Nataly and one of the other cousins, by poking them and trailing my fingers up and down their backs and arms. It really freaks Nataly out. She also distracted Nataly while I braided a ring from the ring toss set into her hair. And then knotted it. Repeatedly.
Oh. My. God. Their bathroom. Is gorgeous. As in, godlike. It is clean. It smells good. It has light. It is smaller than the one here, but it is tidy, it smells nice, it has a flushing toilet. There is a pristine white bucket in the shower, which also works quite frequently. And is totally clean. It has little frosted glass doors and everything. The toilet flushes! Do you fucking hear me?! It flushes! As in, push the handle down and it goes whoosh! And the sink, the sink works! Water comes out, and not at the pathetic trickle like the sinks here. But the sink is in the bathroom. It’s a real bathroom! I want to live there. In the bathroom. I’ll sleep in the shower. My clothes can fit in the cupboards under the sink. There is actual light in the room. I can see stuff! The bucket is beautiful! It’s all so clean! I think I died and went to heaven. Because it sure wasn’t Hell. Maddy, what have I possibly done right?
Ok, piñata time. It’s a Buzz Lightyear Spaceship. And quite huge. The kids were all swinging at it, barely even hitting it, and they weren’t even blindfolded. I was glad that Carol came third to hit it. She’s no good at holding back, and with her showing all the other kids that it is perfectly ok to actually swing for it, the piñata actually started coming apart. I even got a turn. I didn’t hit in much or hard, cause for some reason they had me hit it before a few of the kids had the chance. Watching Nataly was rather pathetic. Even the grandmother got a turn to try. When it broke, my minion-cousin and I scooped up as much candy as we could and then ran for it. Didn’t help too much, Nataly still noticed and laughed in surprise about me joining in the fun. Hey, it’s candy! And there is a real bathroom here! I’m in a good mood!
Yes! My minion and the other cousin like anime! I was sitting on the couch, reading on my nook, when suddenly, I notice something familiar on the computer next to me. And there, right there, is Erin from Shingeki No Kyojin getting the crap beat out of him by the female titan! It was a ‘Lillie is totally incapable of speaking in any comprehensible language, and will instead bounce up and down squealing in that oh so annoying fangirl tone’. They caught on soon enough and I got to watch Shingeki! I was so freaking happy! Candy, a real bathroom, anime, Japanese (Which I could sadly understand better than the Spanish subtitles)…I’m in heaven. I am literally in heaven.
Walked my minion to her house. She has a pony. An absolutely adorable paint, named Lluvia, or Rain. I got to pet him. He was very very sweet. I was sad to say goodbye to my minion. Fuck. I was also sad because I got kicked out of Heaven and got sent back to Hell. This sucks! Like, I seriously feel like crying! I liked Heaven, and then the mom pulls up with her stupid hell van which has no seat belts and blocked the way to Heaven. And it couldn’t even be a straight trip back to Hell, because we had to stop at the grocery store to buy things for Juan Diego’s birthday tomorrow. At least, I think it’s his birthday. Otherwise I’m even more confused. And we are bringing the other cousin back with us. Yay. Back to six people. I guess I should just be glad that Elizabeth isn’t here, and that Juan Carlo isn’t here right now. FUCK ME! I FUCKING HATE HELL!!! One, let me repeat, ONE, upside to stopping at the grocery store was that I hunted down the candy aisle and used my emergency ten bucks that I store in my camera case to buy a bag of milky ways and some caramels. Both really crappy quality, even for milky ways, but it is still chocolate. And it was only five dollars for those, and then two for the caramels. I have emergency sugar, I have chocolate. All I need is some alcohol, and I might be able to cope. Oops, I kinda educated the mom, Nataly, and the cousin about what in the alcohol aisle is decent quality. The mom looked a bit disturbed. Too bad.
Well, now I’m back at the house. And my parents aren’t available on Skype. See mom, this is what happens when you tell me to go to Changuinola! I go to Heaven, I get kicked out and want to die, I buy candy, I educate people on alcohol, and then you aren’t even there on the Skype thing to pretend to comfort me or act like you care! What is the point if this, any of this?! Why give me hope and then let it get ripped away?! When is this going to end? And when can I truly stop caring?